WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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