I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
