Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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