her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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