Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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