Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
