PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
