i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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