What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
