So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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