I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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