I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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