thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
