I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
