First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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