Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
