Do you still have your period?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
