We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
