my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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