so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
