If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These tits shall not be calmed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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