I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
