Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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