She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want nice things and good sex
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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