??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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