alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
