Duck Duck Cougar?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
