'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
