She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
