happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
