he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
