I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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