He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
