Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
