Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
