We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
