i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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