this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
