I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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