Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When did angry sex become our thing?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
