After last night, I could never be a politician.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
