i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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