i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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