if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize