It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
