dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
