i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
