Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
