toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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