i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
