I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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